All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go

My friend and I enjoyed our evening of poetry. We had great seats near the front and another friend joined us for a while. She has to get up at 5:15 tomorrow morning so she left early. The two of us sat there until the last poet was announced. Neither of us was called. We both entered online, so we are wondering if there was some problem with their online system. We were disappointed but there was nothing we could do about the situation. We will definitely complain about being left out. Next time. I will use the old fashioned paper entry form.

Important Discovery

While travelling along a route frequented by many of the students on their daily movement to and from their gathering place, I discovered a possible adaptive change in the behaviour of some of them. Several of the students, who did not have umbrellas, had gathered underneath the overhang of a building to shelter themselves from the rain. It seemed to be quite effective.

I also discovered an ingenious, two hooded jacket system that was being used by one of the more creative students. She used the inner hood to shelter herself from the elements and used the outer hood to catch the rain for later use. I am sure that she had gathered enough rainwater to meet her needs for the rest of the afternoon.

It is said that some students are adept and quick to learn. Perhaps, this behaviour will spread. In that case, I would expect their survival rate to increase.

Upon our arrival at the main gathering spot, we were greeted by several chanting students who gave each of the refugees, from the storm, free hugs. I had to hug three of the group before they would let me continue. I am not sure what they meant by free hugs. I've never had to pay for hugs before, but maybe that is the custom here.

I ventured throughout the student gathering places this afternoon and have learned many things but I must end my report here. It is time to go and take part in a group ritual. It involves getting up in front of a group of students and presenting one or more poems for their enjoyment. I don't know what happens to the presenters who do not satisfy the crowd, so I am a bit apprehensive.

Wild Weather

It's November 21 and pouring rain. Global warming at work again, I guess. The buses were packed this morning and could not pick up everybody at the stops. There were more people getting on than were getting off until we got to the first main campus stop.

I came home to do some work and get ready for the poetry contest tonight. I might even get dressed up a bit. Make an impression, maybe, in case my poetry doesn't. I've had two people look at it and they both liked it but they are prejudiced. I trust their opinions though.

While I was waiting for a bus, I watched the other people there. Several of us had umbrellas and most of the others had jackets with hoods, so they were somewhat protected from the elements. I began to wonder what the protocol was for sharing umbrellas with other people that one does not know. How bad does the rain have to get? I find myself preoccupied by these sorts of very important questions from time to time and I need some answers so that I'll do the right thing the next time. Is there anybody out there who knows the correct umbrella sharing protocol? Or, is it another survival of the fittest test? The ones who forget their umbrellas die out and don't reproduce?

Striking a Balance

I find that the life of a student is a hectic one. It is almost like being isolated from the world in some ways. It is like being on a carousel of lectures, reading, studying, assignments and tests. You finish one ride and get right back on for another one. Don't get me wrong; I signed up for this. I just had forgotten how myopic and hectic the life of a student can be. It is easy to get caught up in the struggle for grades and success. I am trying to strike a balance between doing well and having a life. Just how to do that is the problem. I know that all of us face this struggle no matter what we are engaged in. One way that I keep some sanity is by meeting regularly with a group of older students. We share our stories, have a few laughs and forget about the carousel for a while.

A Poem About Losing Things

The author of this poem was inspired by my blog about losing things. The author has given me permission to post this untitled work.

Where did I put it?
Where did it go?
Did I leave it behind?
Did I leave it at home?

Is it at my seat
In that lecture hall?
Did somebody steal it?
Imagine the gall!

I am sure that I grabbed it
When I hurried out
I remember it clearly
Without a doubt…

But wait...I don’t know…
Did it ditch me in Stats?
Did it jump out of my bag?
My memory...oh drats!

My belongings seem to
Have a mind of their own
They look at my pack
And they seem to groan

“I’m not going in there…
If I may be so blunt -
It’s so dark and cramped
Even at the front”

“I’ll just wait right here,
This is such a fun game
The scavenger hunt
That drives people insane

Where did I put it
Where should I look
The classroom, the office
Where is that damned book?

A Good Day

Today was a good day, not a great day, but a good day. I am happy with good days. I managed to work on an assignment this morning for about 90 minutes without taking a break or being distracted. It has been a long time since I have been able to do that.

I saw my counsellor this morning after working on my assignment. We had a very good session in which I began to understand just why I get so angry for so long.

I took a break after that and had a hot chocolate. I managed to get very relaxed, which is what I needed. I even worked for another hour on some homework that isn't even due until Thursday. I almost finished it which is even better.

While I had a good weekend and a good Monday, my classmate with the health problems did not. She ran into an animal which caused a lot of damage to her car. She was not injured, just upset at the death of the animal and the damage to her car.

The mood of my last class of the day was a bit different today. It is a half course which will end in just two weeks, and a bit. Anyone who was out in the hall may have thought there was a party going on instead of a class. We were doing some group work and were talking to each other as we solved our problems. It was very relaxed and enjoyable. There was some friendly banter and a few laughs. I don't think that our prof had planned it that way, but the situation was very conducive to learning. All in all, a very good day.

Quick Update

I have been very busy over the past few days and will be this weekend. We are getting someone in to do some work in our house and I had to clear out the basement for them to work down there. I also have to finish tiling the bathroom and do other preparatory work that I said that I would do before they begin. They are starting the job on Monday morning, so I have to get to it.

Losing Ground

I find that I am starting to call female students 'girls'. I have been opposed to referring to adult females as girls for decades. It started in the 1960s when women began to protest the way they were treated. I have been adamant about referring to female adults as women. Many women call each other girl and I cannot remember hearing anybody refer to another student as a woman. I have had several conversations on the topic with other students and they appreciate why I refer to adult females as women. Nevertheless, it is difficult to maintain my linguistic practice in isolation. so, if 'girl' slips into my blog from time to time, you will know what is going on. My beliefs have not changed, just my language. But, that leads us to the theory that language shapes our actions. And I just might end up calling a vigilant feminist a girl. I'll be right back to square one.

Writing

Necessity is the mother of invention, or in my case the inspiration for writing. Or maybe I was just in a writing mood. I wrote three posts yesterday and then went on to write three poems. Two of them are good. I may enter one or both of those in the poetry contest. The third poem was inspired by a comment someone made about a post of mine. I turned Lost and Found into a poem. It is okay, but it needs some work. All of the poems that I wrote last night were more than four lines. One is eight lines only because the first line, and every second line after that, is only one or two words. I did that for effect. I wanted the poem to be hesitant and uncertain because it is about not knowing. I am quite happy with the second one which is about the fall and losses and new beginnings. I would post them here but that would reduce the field of potential publishers. I do intend to submit the first two and some others as soon as I am sure that they are right.

These are only the second, third and fourth poems that I have composed at the computer. It turned out to be easier than it has been for me in the past. I will definitely do more of my poetry writing on the computer.

Driven To Distraction

I have decided to write about what I have been going through. In particular, I will write about how I have been affected and leave out the details of the event itself.

Just one week after I returned to university, a life altering event occurred. The most immediate effect was a demand on my time and energy that could only be met by spending almost all of my waking hours on dealing with the aftermath of that event.

I ended up dropping one course and taking an elementary French course instead of the intermediate French course that I had been placed in. I was probably improperly placed in that French class to start with, but I did not protest because I knew that I could do the work. Between these two changes, I reduced my work load by at least 25%.

I went to see a counsellor within a few days and I am still in counselling. It is helping, but I have a long way to go yet. I ended up being very angry and depressed. Apparently it is quite normal for someone in my situation to get depressed. I was prepared for that, but I did not count on my being so angry. Usually I get angry and express it and get over it within a few hours at most. I have been angry for days at a time and I just don't know how to deal with it. Under normal circumstances I would engage in vigorous exercise and meditate. I injured myself this summer and that rules out vigorous exercise. I do meditate but I have great difficulty doing it for very long at all. My blood pressure, which was in the high normal range, has shot up to dangerously high levels. I am taking medication for that and for the depression. Those medications are not fine tuned yet and I still have problems with some of the effects. I am more distracted than usual. That is why I left my books behind today.

I am blessed with having a very understanding family.
They have helped me by being there whenever I needed to call them to talk. And talk, I did. It kept me going. Thank you.

Men aren't supposed to get depressed. We are supposed to tough it out and just keep on going. I am not unrealistic enough to really believe that, but it is an expectation that people have of men. Sometimes I feel like I should just be tough and repress my feelings and get on with life.

There have been some good things come out of this and there will be more. I know that, but it is the here and now that I am living in and it is tough. Generally, I am a happy person and I know that I will get back to being myself someday, maybe not soon, but someday.